How do you feel when somebody makes that comment? Do you squirm or smile? Do you feel as if you’ve been criticised or as if you’ve received a compliment?
For the moment let’s not get distracted by the ‘facts’ regarding how upstanding and admirable or how despicable and revolting your parents actually are; instead, pay attention to your response to being tagged with the same brush.
I’ve had a very intense relationship with my mother over the years. She’s been my greatest inspiration and my greatest disappointment. Her character traits have caused me more upset than almost anyone else, and simultaneously, more opportunity for growth. I have criticised her for her choices, her behaviour, her treatment of her own mother, her treatment of my sister, her relationship with her grandchildren… and I’ve observed the degree to which she has become that which she has condemned, fulfilling a timeless universal law. I’ve experienced deep sadness and grief over her apparent losses and failures; aside from feeling her own disappointment, they meant she was crashing from the pedestal I had placed her on. I’ve also experienced superiority and arrogance about those same choices and behaviours because I would never behave that way!
Here's another question: how do you feel when you catch yourself saying or doing something that one of your parents do or did, especially something that you swore you would never do? Does it generates a warm, fuzzy feeling or an uncomfortable, disturbed feeling?
I’ve noticed that there are broadly two groups of people: those who are proud to be like their parents and those who are horrified, but when we delve a little more deeply, we find that both responses usually betray a ‘one-eyed-ness’; those who are proud are blinding themselves to the traits they don’t admire, and those who are horrified are blinding themselves to the traits they might admire.
Aside from that, when we consider the age-old teaching ‘I Am That’, we realise that we embody all of our parents’ traits, whether we aspire to do so or not. This has little to do with the fact that they are our parents; we embody those traits because we are each a mini-Universe; we contain not only all of the chemical elements of the cosmos but also every single human trait. We embody those traits in either expressed or repressed form, and here’s where our parents come in. They are the ones whose behaviour, when we were children, influenced us to form the beliefs and emotional reactions that would determine which human traits we would express and which we would repress.
Whatever our parents modelled for us, we modelled on – we created templates for behaviour based on how they interacted with us and with their world. We either welcomed their example or we resisted and resented it, whether consciously or unconsciously. If we resisted and resented it, we very likely committed ourselves to becoming just like them. As the old adage says, ‘What you resist, persists’; we are destined to do whatever we condemn until we love and appreciate that behaviour or experience.
Nowadays when I’m accused of being like my mother, I remind myself to allow and own that trait, to find how it serves me and to defuse the charge I have on expressing it. As ever, I’m deeply grateful to Dr John Demartini for his Demartini Method that teaches one how to ‘equilibrate’ such charges.
Actually, I don’t need too many reminders of how like my mother I am; I have even mimicked some of her physical ailments, which of course means that I have taken on her model of the world and her beliefs in that area, since the mind and body reflect each other. It’s not just ‘genes’ that determine our physical tendencies; it’s adopting a parent’s view of the world and lifestyle that determines which ills we adopt because our attitudes literally switch our genes on and off. (Research the growing field of Epigenetics to find out more about that!)
You know what? I’m grateful that our world’s laws are so clear and ‘unviolable’ and reliable that we know where we stand. Imagine how horrific it would be to live in a world governed by chaos and randomness, where we didn’t know at any moment what would be the outcome of a particular action? At least, in this world, we know that every effect has a cause; that nothing happens out of the clear blue sky. We call in our experiences – they come into our world because they are resonating with us because of the thoughts and emotions we are entertaining. Nothing can come into our world without us calling it in and literally co-creating it. We can’t be the victims of anything at all.
If we’ve been privileged to study universal laws, we know that there is a Hidden Order at work, a principle known as the Law of Conservation, which tells us that nothing is ever missing, it’s always present although we might not be recognising its current form. And if what we resist persists, then that clearly points to a purpose to life, which is to love and appreciate and honour each of our many experiences so that they can flow into and out of our lives in a useful, harmonious way.
So yes, you are your mother and your father; you are every person you love and every person you hate. You are the cosmos with its stars and galaxies – you contain these vast spaces and all those chemical elements, and you are the tiniest microcosm as well – each tiny particle of your being is a busy mini-universe. As (I believe) the Oracle of Delphi said, 'Know who you are, be who you are, love who you are.'
If you enjoyed reading my thoughts on this topic, consider reading my 'personal development novels' for the whole family, The Mastery Club and The Hidden Order, or buying a copy of my collected articles, Living With Grace.
Try my ‘Two-Handed Meditation’ to help you Deal With Festive Season Madness
You might instinctively react to the statement that ‘being negative is good for your health’ with a ‘No way! Being negative causes depression and other destructive states of mind, whereas being positive is a creative, optimistic state that is productive and encouraging and hopeful!’ – but if you are familiar with earthing and ions you’ll know that ‘it ain’t necessarily so…’
Most of our modern world activities, especially those involving computers, generate positive ions, whereas the earth generates negative ions. Generally speaking, positive ions cause stress and dis-ease, and negative ions create feelings of relaxation and generate healing.
Interesting, isn’t it? We’re so quick to be positive about the positive and negative about the negative, yet both of those concepts have both positive and negative manifestations – the Law of Polarity itself! You’ll never get a one-sided anything, and so positivity itself is not purely positive, and neither is negativity purely negative.
If you travel further down this road, you’ll soon find that positivity and negativity are also only surface appearances because the longer you sit with something that appears to be negative, the more you find the blessings and benefits in it, and the longer you examine something that appears to be purely positive, the more you’ll find the cracks and flaws in it.
I discovered this when I instigated my ‘Two Handed Meditation’, where I hold out both hands, palms up, and deliberately give thanks for all the ‘positive’ events in my life, imagining them sitting in the palm of my right hand, and then give equal thanks for all the ‘negative’ events in my life, imagining them poised in my left hand. Funnily enough, I’ve usually barely started with the negatives when their benefits become apparent: ‘This’ challenging person is teaching me courage or self-trust or assertiveness or patience or encouraging me to reflect and step down from an arrogant position; ‘that’ challenging health issue is typically inviting me to take more care of myself. Very useful!
On the other hand (literally!), ‘this’ lovely, supportive person is quite possibly keeping me small and dependent, and ‘that’ physical freedom and health could be causing me to take my flexibility and range of movement for granted… The ‘Two-Handed Meditation’ experience is very grounding and gratitude-generating. Give it a try!
Speaking of ‘grounding’, have you read Earthing - The Most Important Health Discovery Ever by Clint Ober, Stephen T Sinatra M.D., and Martin Zucker? This wonderful book explains exactly how the positive ions generated by our modern world cause us significant dis-ease, while the activities and negative ions generated by the earth beneath our feet are profoundly healing.
‘We humans, as all other living beings, are electrical creatures on an electrical planet, and the ground beneath us is more than something we just stand, walk, play and build on.’
It turns out that our Earth has such a significant negative charge that it can quite easily overwhelm the positive charge we build up in our bodies through disconnection from the earth and exposure to electromagnetic frequencies. We’ve become disconnected from the earth by wearing rubber and plastic-soled shoes, walking on wood and asphalt, and also by saturating ourselves in EMFs. We ‘ground’ ourselves by making skin contact with the earth, whether directly through the soles of our bare feet to grass/dirt or to concrete, since it conducts the charge, or through a range of earthing products (see below).
Grounding or Earthing gives rise to a whole host of healing experiences. Being ‘earthed’ or ‘grounded’ helps people to relax, sleep more deeply, require less sleep, and heal from a broad range of illnesses including heart disease, high blood pressure and arrhythmias, lumps, allergies, arthritis, back and joint pain, sciatica, fibromyalgia, digestive issues, electrosensitivity, sleep apnea, varicose veins and bad circulation, multiple sclerosis, chronic fatigue syndrome, and auto-immune disorders such as rheumatoid arthritis and mixed connective tissue disease.
It enables athletes to recover much more rapidly from aches and pains and injuries/wounds, and all of us to ‘de-stress’ and energise. It balances our hormones and our emotions, helps to calm children with autism and enhance their ability to connect, and might even assist with fertility. It counteracts jet lag and can relieve fatigue for long-distance drivers; it is the ultimate ‘anti-inflammatory’ and anti-ageing tool, and it won’t cause any ‘side effects’! And it’s good for our pets too.
(You’ll find more info at www.EarthingOz.com.au or www.earthinginstitute.net as well as a range of products you can buy such as ‘grounding sheets’ for your bed and ‘grounding mats’ for working at the computer. I’ll be ordering mine too!)
The Law of Polarity is so profound and so powerful that every time a judgement is made in one direction, the exact opposite is birthed simultaneously. In other words, as I explained in The Hidden Order (Chapter 52), when someone becomes committed to peace, someone, somewhere in the world, is simultaneously becoming committed to war.
When my editor and master of metaphysics, Tim Marlowe, pointed this out to me, I was staggered. It sounds crazy and wrong, doesn’t it? But it’s a principle of this universe that is designed into the system to maintain balance and homeostasis. No matter how ‘positive’ and ‘good’ something looks to us, there’s always another, deeper, aspect in the opposite direction. The Yin/Yang symbol warns us of this dynamic via the dot in each half of that symbol.
If we align ourselves fiercely with one polarity we are simultaneously producing an equal amount of the opposite, even if that idea utterly offends us! The particle and anti-particle are birthed in the same moment; it’s a law of physics.
You can see this balancing effect on a large scale in the world today in the fascinating dynamic where, on the one hand we have the push towards computer-based inventions and artificial intelligence and digital ‘short cuts’ and high-powered shakes and potions, and on the other hand, a push towards the simpler life as more and more people embrace ‘slow food’ or ‘earthy’ raw food, yoga, massage, meditation… It’s also apparent in the irony that, as we ‘progress’ and ‘evolve’ away from dirt-floor shanties, bare foot living and unprocessed food to high-rises, high heels and the high life, we are simultaneously causing breakdown in our physical, mental and emotional health…
We can’t cheat the system, and when we understand the principles it becomes quite fun to go looking for how they manifest.
By the way, if you’re like me, you might have felt offended that femininity is associated with yin energy and negativity and masculinity with yang energy and positivity. It didn’t seem fair! But knowing that negativity harbours great gifts and is the source of deep relaxation and healing kind of redresses the balance, don’t you think?
Since you’re at your computer or device reading this, check out Earthing by Clint Ober et al, and then go outside and sit with both bare feet on the grass or the soil or even the concrete (it conducts ‘the charge’). Hold out your two hands, palms up, and generate some gratitude for both negative and positive experiences (charges) in your life. While you’re at it, our beautiful and gentle Mother Earth will be grounding you, drawing the stress-generating positive ions out of you and saturating you with healing and relaxing negative ions. Mmmm…