Liliane2016 Rnd

Liliane Grace, creative writing, author, keynote speaker, The Mastery Club 

Greener Grass: 'a perfect pair or did opposites attract?'

Engagement ring'Greener Grass' was the working title I gave my new novel because I wanted to explore the idea that we tend to think something else will be better than what we currently have. No wonder I was taken aback when the new man came into my life and I found that my life was imitating art: my long-time dream of a life partner who would share my interests was being realised, just as it is for the main character in my novel. (If you don't know what I'm talking about, my blog about the new novel and my seismic life changes is here.)

I've since changed the title of the novel for something more unique since those two words are already in great use (for novels, books and lawn mowing businesses!), and I'll announce the new title soon.

In fact, I thought I'd have launched that book by now but it turns out that uprooting your whole life is a much more all-encompassing experience than I had first anticipated. I knew it would be big, of course, but there's a difference between the concept and the reality. In the concept version I could still get everything done that I needed to do. (Are you laughing? Sounds like my old friend Superwoman was talking to me...) In reality, the practicalities of farewelling my loved partner of 29 years (and my son), and moving house (twice) and learning about my new partner and setting up a home together and meeting new family and friends and setting up a new office – well, all of that has taken longer in time and energy than I had anticipated, and so the new novel launch is still around the corner.

I finished my last blog post talking about that urge for greener grass that we all experience from time to time. It's an important impulse because it urges us to expand our potential: to be physically fitter or wealthier or smarter or to have more friends or a job that suits us better or to resolve a family problem, (and that's why I also called this dynamic 'Divine Discontent'). I explore this idea in the new novel in relation to relationships and work and lifestyle. My main characters all pine for what someone else has, but – as I'm sure you know! – we will never have 'better' because of the Laws of Conservation and Polarity. Each new development, no matter how magnificent it first appears, will present us with challenges simply because life is designed that way. We are supposed to be challenged so that we grow.

Have you ever heard a comment like this about a newly married couple? 'Were they a perfect pair or did opposites attract?' To me that's a tautology! A perfect couple is two opposites attracting each other. We want that difference partly because it's (usually) the source of chemistry and because it's (definitely) the source of growth. (Pet theme of mine: the purpose of relationship is not happiness but growth.) My new partner and I have some very interesting differences (!) but we are so appreciative of each other that it's pretty easy to navigate the give and take. I hope we keep that respect and flexibility alive long-term; I know we both intend to.

While I'm wandering around this 'greener grass' theme, I want to now honour another promise I made in a recent blog. When I wrote, 'Why I Still Wear Heels and Eat Chocolate' I promised that I'd share the thing I wanted that I felt ashamed about wanting. Some background first: I had always wanted to get married but my previous partner hadn't and it does take two to tango on something like that! I'd accepted that situation and hadn't thought much more about it over the years, but very soon after meeting my new partner, he proposed to me and I accepted. We have just announced our engagement publicly (i.e. on Facebook!), and plans are underway for a wedding next year.

But the wedding wasn't the thing I was ashamed about; it was the engagement ring. I've been a very utilitarian person for most of my life: I wear and use stuff until it's falling apart to avoid wastage and unnecessary expense – I suspect that my mother's experience during the Holocaust has something to do with that. But for years I'd dreamed about having a diamond engagement ring and would talk myself out of it: too indulgent, too frivolous; even 'greedy' and 'superficial'. And then my new partner asked if I'd like to have a ring... It was a somewhat emotional process for me to allow myself to receive a diamond ring but I am enjoying it every day.

And so maybe now is the right time to reveal the new title, after all... 

To recap: 

i) During September to November 2017 I wrote a novel about a woman who was feeling restless in her marriage. (It was a novel I'd been building at the back of my mind for some eight years.)

ii) A week after finishing the novel, 'New Man' turned up in my life.

iii) Six weeks after meeting him I was experiencing the exact conflict that my main character experiences, and facing the same choice she faces at the end of the book. (And there were a number of other bizarre similarities or points of connection between fictional story and reality.)

iv) After much soul-searching and several counselling sessions and many conversations and tears, I chose to lovingly complete my relationship with my long-time partner and enter into a relationship with the new man. You'll have to wait for the book to find out what my main character chooses (although her situation is still significantly different because she is recommitting to her existing partner). 

And the title? It's Husband, Take 2.

If you'd like to comment on this blog, please do so below.

I hope you'll enjoy the book when it comes out. It's certainly been a significant project in relation to my personal life. More soon.

Divine Discontent… Why I’ve Decided To Leave

separation coupleWe’re encouraged to be grateful for what we have, and that’s very good and useful advice. But there’s also a place for 'divine discontent’: often our dissatisfaction with aspects of our lives gives us the ‘kick’ we need to create necessary changes.
 
That dissatisfaction can be particularly confusing when there are enough elements in our current situations that we genuinely value. Should we risk losing the valuable aspects in order to take a risk and reach out for something that might be better?
 
Last December my partner Derek and I celebrated our 29th anniversary. We met and fell in love when I was 24 and he was 36, and have had a rich and wonderful journey since then. We’ve parented three magnificent children together. And we’ve struggled with a number of challenges that mostly had to do with wanting different things. We each made various compromises in order to keep our family together, and because there was so much that we did value in common, so much love, so much friendship, so much respect and appreciation. But running through it was a seam of discontent… that little yearning for 'more and different'.
 
Some years ago, when I was particularly struggling with this, I read a book called Too Good To Leave, Too Bad To Stay by Mira Kirshenbaum. I answered her 36 self-analysis questions and was still unsure what to do, still balanced between the two options, so I stayed put…
 
Until last spring when I wrote the novel (see previous blogs) that was the precursor to massive change in my life; to a new man coming in whose interests and dreams are so aligned with mine that I made the shocking decision to farewell my life partner of 29 years in order to be with him.
 
‘More’, ‘different’ and ‘better’ are loaded terms. Universal laws tell us that we will never have ‘better’ because of the Laws of Conservation and Polarity, which deliver a balanced experience. Every experience has a positive and a negative aspect, so I’d be fooling myself if I thought I was walking into a situation that would just be ‘better’. I know that this new relationship will throw up a new set of challenges – in fact, it already has – but I also know that I was hungry for a new set of challenges, and that they would be balanced by the delight I am already experiencing from the areas of alignment.
 
Do you relate to this? Are there areas in your life, whether at work or at home, where you feel frustrated and dissatisfied? Sometimes finding the blessings in our current circumstances is all it takes to transform those feelings, and sometimes they are there as ‘divine messengers’ to stimulate us into taking action and creating something new. 
 
My decision to embrace a new relationship has resulted in my ex-partner and son deciding to embrace one of their long-time dreams and move north. My daughters are both grappling with this ‘divine discontent' too; they are restless and longing to act on dreams or frustrations too. Actually, anyone who sets a goal is expressing an element of discontent; the desire to have new experiences or new possessions is a divine impulse because if we didn’t feel that stirring of frustration and desire, we would never tackle new things and never grow.
 
My new novel, which will be launched in August this year, is all about a couple who respond to those stirrings. This book has become interwoven with my life in quite an extraordinary way. I’ll be revealing more in the next few blogs and at the launch. (Yes, you're invited!)
 
Meanwhile, here’s another question for you: Do you know anyone who is struggling with bullying, either because they are prone to trampling over others or because they are inclined to be a doormat? There’s still time to register for the No More Harm Conference in Brisbane on Monday and Tuesday 26-27th June. I’ll be there speaking about universal laws and the bullying dynamic – and if you don’t make it, listen out for the ABC Radio Interview I’ll be doing at 1.30 pm on Monday. Pain and guilt or shame can also be 'divine messengers' that provoke us into making necessary changes in our lives.

My Fictional Love Story Turns My Actual Life Upside Down - Is It Destiny?

Last year, when I was launching my Destiny Interview Series, significant changes were unfolding in my own life.

tango couple pexels
I’d been asked to teach Novel-Writing at CAE in September 2016, and so I figured I’d do the right thing by my students: I’d do what I was asking them to do and write a novel. One of the ideas in my filing cabinet had been calling me for some time – it was a concept I’d jotted down some eight years ago, and I’d been scribbling notes and bits of dialogue for it ever since. As I was calling my students to work on novel structure and character development, I figured I’d apply the lessons to my own project at the same time.

I found myself drawn so deeply into this story that it pretty much wrote itself. By the end of November I’d completed my novel and was aware that quite a few personal thoughts and feelings had woven themselves into it. But still, it was just a story – right?

In early December I headed out ballroom/latin dancing on a Tuesday night – not my usual night – and connected eyes with a newcomer sitting on the side just watching. When I saw him again on Friday night I asked him to dance and was immediately struck by his ability and training. You can tell if a man is a good dancer by his ‘frame’, the way he holds you, the way he moves. I learnt that this man hadn’t danced in some thirty years but back then he’d competed nationally and internationally. I loved dancing with him...

We began to talk and discovered that we shared an interest in relationships, and also shared the ability to speak very openly and honestly. Dance studio conversations are usually pure small talk, partly because you're having conversations in snatches between dances, so this man stood out to me. Before long we were dancing together almost exclusively… and within six weeks I was facing the exact same dilemma that faces the main character in my novel at the end of the book.

What was the dilemma? You’ll have to read it to find out! :p

My new book is being laid out for publication right now, and I’ll be sharing more of what it’s about and how it links with my personal journey over the next few weeks. Talk about life imitating art! There are some synchronicities that have been pretty arresting… but also some significant differences. At any rate, it doesn’t seem as if this new book is ‘just a story’, and it does seem as if this man and I were destined to meet. More soon!
[Picture courtesy Pexels.]

Why I still wear heels and eat chocolate

apple healthy chocolate unhealthyYears ago, when I was pregnant, I wrote a humorous little cartoon book about the experience of being pregnant, and in particular all the things I’d been advised to do and not do. The do’s included:  

* meditate and be calm 
* swim 
* play classical music
* eat a healthy diet
* take nutritional supplements
* walk
* drink more water
* sleep more
* do yoga, etc. 
 
I have a long list of other daily ideals, including visualisation and affirmations and journal-writing and getting on the rebounder and stretching and hanging from my pull-up bar to unkink my shoulders and doing eye exercises and having some creative writing time every day and doing some sorting and some filing and clearing backlogs and tidying up my desktop and reading and doing a speed reading course so that I can practise speed reading and spending time in gratitude and I don’t know about you, but lovely and enriching as all of these things are, they can become a burden in themselves.
 
I’ve often thought that one of my more ‘unconscious’ friends is blissfully so - he’s just living day to day and not feeling frustrated that he isn’t doing all the brilliant things he could/should be doing to develop himself.
 
Enter heels and chocolate: I totally get the value of wearing flat shoes for the health of my feet and my back, and I totally get that heels are part of a social construct around beauty that is just a construct, a perception. I can't get about on staggeringly high heels – who really honestly can? – but I do enjoy a bit of a lift...
 
I also get that the jury still isn’t out about chocolate. Sure, we can drop words like ‘magnesium’ and ‘antioxidants’ so that we can justify keeping up the habit, and we can opt for raw cacao as much as possible, but there are still some who say we shouldn’t over-indulge in chocolate.
 
Nonetheless I’ve decided that much as I ‘should’ eat less chocolate and ‘shouldn’t’ wear heels, they are part of my enjoyment of life. They’re part of my ‘humanity’ too. I’m wary of becoming so correct that I lose my ability to simply ‘be' and even risk becoming superior to others. Much as there is a part of me that would love to master everything and tick all those boxes, failing and falling short keeps me humble and equal. 
 
I discovered just a week ago another deeper aspect to this when I was offered something that I had denied myself in the past on the grounds that it would be greedy of me to have or even want one of these. I value living very simply and not making demands of people or the earth. I even felt shame at the thought of receiving it, and embarrassment that now, in my fifties, I should want one of these… And yet I did. 
 
It’s something that is relevant to my new novel and the changes that have been occurring in my life since I wrote it. I’ll share some more soon. Meanwhile, what things do you do or eat that you ‘know you shouldn’t’ but that are important parts of life enjoyment for you? 
 
 
 

Where To Invade Next – & other outstanding ideas

Michael MooreHave you seen Michael Moore’s documentary, Where To Invade Next? If not, watch it immediately! It’s wonderful.  

If you’re not familiar with Michael Moore, he’s a baseball-cap-wearing, grossly overweight documentary-maker with a heart of gold, an eye for the important issues, and the ability to make his points with elegance, profundity and humour.

Where To Invade Next flips the idea of invasion on its head and explores which countries are doing wonderful things that America should ‘steal’. Follow the link below to find out a little more. (Warning: contains spoilers…)

Some months ago I mentioned the move toward a national minimum wage that is gaining momentum around the world. Within minutes of sending out that newsletter one reader unsubscribed; this was a reader with a belief in ‘abundance’ and ‘creating one’s reality’. Did this person think I was promoting a passivist, victim lifestyle of living for handouts? On the contrary, countries that look after their citizens (as the Michael Moore documentary powerfully illustrates) are the ones where people are healthier, happier, more united, and, it seems, more responsible.

Yesterday, in The Conversation, I read that 'researchers from the University of Queensland add the economic argument to the moral case for ending homelessness. It turns out it's cheaper for governments to provide supportive housing than to bear the cost of homelessness.' Read that last sentence again. 

This is the common sense principle governing a world where we look after each other and 'the whole': it’s better for us spiritually, emotionally, socially, physically, economically, environmentally… If you need proof, follow the link and watch his film. If you’d love to co-create a country that does what Michael Moore is recommending and ‘steals’ the best, most humanitarian and effective ideas from around the world, say ‘aye’! Let’s start our own conversation. 

And btw, if you’ve been getting caught up with Conspiracy docos, with talk of illuminati and aliens and earth changes and stocking up on food, etc., dump that lot and watch Michael Moore’s Where To Invade Next instead. You’ll come out of it inspired rather than fearful.

[Image courtesy: david_shankbone via Visualhunt.com CC BY]

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